She could still remember the way that he first kissed her. It was so calm and comforting. She felt as though she needed more from the start, she craved it. Each touch was new, each stolen kiss was divine and each look was like begging a new adventure that only they would go on.
Everything was so perfect, everything seemed to fit into both their long and short term plans for themselves and now she was lost alone. She never thought that this kind of pain could exist.
He was gone.
Her heart broke into a million pieces that day. If only she told him the truth, would he still have gotten into that car? Would he be here with her and have forgiven all her past mistakes? What she wouldn't do to be able to go back and spend one more hour with him in the blissful silence that had once surrounded them.
It was almost four years ago to the day that he left on the trip with his family and now she wished that she wouldn't have been so mad at him for going. She should have enjoyed the time that she had with him more.
She spent most days sitting on her deck, watching the waves roll in and out. Trying to ignore the neighbors, who seemed to think that because she was out sitting on the deck that she was in the mood to talk. She hadn't been able to say anything to the people that mattered since the accident. She wondered if they blamed her, she blamed herself, so why would they be any different
She stared down at her feet to Mouse, her cat, staring up at her to be picked up. She laughed.
"If you want up here that bad then get up here yourself." she reached over and picked up her glass of red wine before taking a sip and placing it back. "It won't be too much longer before we're going to have to go back home, they'll start to worry about us if we don't."
Mouse jumped up and settled herself into Willow's lap before meowing again.
"I know, I don't want to go either, but all dreams must come to an end, right?" she sighed.
Was I ever good enough for him? Was he the one that I really wanted or did I want him because he could give me both the attention and affection that I craved and wanted? If I was enough, then why did he fight so hard to push me away?
“Maybe this time will be different than last…”
She didn’t think that it would, it wasn’t ever any different.
Her life would fall back into what they wanted of her and that would mean marrying soon. They would set her up with old friends from college or people that they grew up with, none of which would ever take her away as Xander did. If she let her parents deide she knew what her life would be.
At 23 she still had plenty of life left to live and she didn’t want to be tied down, she wasn’t even ready for a relationship, let alone a marriage.